Friday, April 29, 2011


you know this word? hell.. yeah. it was me now! I am tired.. for my study, for something SO RIDICULOUS LIKE PROBLEMS! okay.. I'll just let it out. if you have something grudge against me, how about you talk to me directly? isn't it the way people communication? or you don't have any brave to tell me about that? or.. you have any brave but you are too lazy to talk with me? or! just ... I know.. I am too annoying?hell.. don't care.. you know me as well.. I am a yandere one!

so.. what about this? when I want to be alone, when I HATE THERE ARE PEOPLE AROUND ME AND CLINGING AT ME JUST LIKE A GLUE!! please understand it... GO AWAY!! or I will just hurt you so bad! you know me as well.. ah I think you don't.. you just love my lovely side, don't you? *chuckle* you.. you and you!! and there are so many 'you' I want to mention in this! if you feel like that, like I mention this, no offense.. the main point is.. I just hate humans! so, are you humans? haha.. me? yes.. I am a human.. so that I hate myself..

you know I want to stop thinking about the other.. just me.. I want to think about myself.. but.. they just cling at me! makes me think about them and just give me a DAMN!!! haaah.. please GO AWAY!! LET ME BE!! I WANT TO BE MY SELF!! I WANT TO QUIT FROM MY YANDERE!! it's tired you know..

and one another thing.. I HATE SMILE! so.. don't force me to smile right now.. I am tired and I just want to be alone.. just WANT TO BE ALONE!! got it? no offense.. I didn't mention anyone on this.. just.. just I told you before.. Iwanna let it out..

huft.. hope SEIJI will forgive me for my rudeness..


Sunday, April 24, 2011

Ninomiya Little sister is Me..

well.. how is everyone? I hope you're doing okay. me? no.. I am still in really bad shape, actually. recently, I've realized something, that I am really resemble with that person, who? Ninomiya Kazunari. well, I am too scared to read about him actually, too scared to know a lot about him, because we're look alike. our vision, our thinking, our bad mood, well.. maybe the thing that different just I am a woman and he is a man.. and I am an ordinary girl and she is an artist.. but really.. too scared when you know someone that really resemble with you.. too scared.

well.. maybe she's right. he's a male version of me. we're same. I often find our smile is same too.. oh please!! so, is there really a male version of me? and am I really looks Kazu-niichan? huweeeee~~ but really, looking for someone who look alike with you is hard. even I know that myself is too paranoid to know about something.

the word of this makes me scared. I am not paranoid. I made my self to think that way, but day after day, I see my reflection was scared with something ridiculous like.. I am scared being in relationship with.. human. not someone but humans. you know? relationship is frightening. someday, you won't know that the one beside you right now maybe will be your enemy.. someday, the thing that you think can make you happy, is the think that crashed you.. I am scared.. if I am really have that disorder. how can I escape from that? I wanna cure this.. it makes me uneasy. you see? how you feel uneasy when you feel that everyone is looking at you, when you think that everyone is mad at you.. when you think that you can't trust people because you feel that everyone has a hidden desire inside them.. it's hard even for me.. I feel like that.. since I was a child.. and it makes me scared.. what if this continue until I get old? what if this disorder makes people around me avoiding me..? just please.. I don't want tobe alone.. I don't want being rejected anymore.. just please.. help me..

Monday, April 18, 2011

free like a bird? no way..

hello everyone? well.. yeah. I'm in broken mood again. guess what? I thought I can free like a bird, but that's no way because I'm just a cage bird after all.why? should I tell you? yes.. my life, my family, my whole story of life are all about an angst story telling about a cage bird who try to quit from her cage, she ever run away but she get caught again and again..

someone telling me about how I could run from this.. but I can't fully do that.. I am a caged bird after all.. I can't even being accepted by my own mother. she is my mother, isn't she? she born me to this world, isn't she? but why I am being rejected again and again? she loves me, isn't she? even I couldn't believe this to my own self.. I'm tired trying to be accepted actually.. give me break ; A ;

well.. since I am a caged bird.. now the only thing I could do is hide.. may I hide?