Thursday, May 16, 2013

They said that this is feeling...

Hello, this is maybe the first post in 2013 because I thought I would stop writing blogs and writing about myself here anymore since I found my trust on people again. but, times surely flew so fast, I hate to say this to myself, but somehow, I started really tired with anything now. no, I won't stop helping people who need me or anything. I will stop...pretending. pretending everything is okay. pretending that I don't need any help from people again. I might really stop myself from relying in others, but look, this rotten me, is also a human *chuckles* I will need people. did I say myself rotten? ah...I am too tired. 

anyway, I even mentioned about I want to feel something like love again, and guess that I did! isn't it awesome? *laugh* but problems actually arose, and I hate to say this--I am getting tired of this problem. first problem, I fall for someone that maybe actually doesn't belong to me, and I have no right to call him "mine" since uh... if people said to me that I don't have to worry about the future and just think about today, but I am not that type of person. I blurryly could see the end of the story--both the story about my life or another life and it makes me afraid. too afraid. I can't deny my feeling and I am getting too obsessed that I am afraid I will make him afraid of me and think of me weird because I am too obsessed, eventhough he thinks that this is a kind of act. I started really searching about him, anything. I hope God forgive me for this one orz is this a sin for being a stalker? QAQ I just hope that this isn't kind of act, he does belong to me, he said. and I am belong to him, maybe. I am still not sure aaaargh! this friendzoned thing, this siblingzoned thing! I hate it!! TAT before I really knew about it, I would maybe keep searching for him, analyzed him, until I am sure he does belong to me uhuhuhuhu I love him... loving him too much. 

you know, he is the kindest guy I ever knew eventhough we just met in the cyber and met once and we didn't talk much. he is too kind until I am afraid I will hurt his smooth and gentle heart. he is the one who never be mad at people because he knew the condition. he is the forgiving type and I am falling into his kindness this deep. actually what I am afraid the most now is, hurting his gentle heart. I am this rude, mood swinger, and can't be classified as nice and cute. I am not even cute or beautiful, I have no right to think that he is really falling for me. that gentle eyes and gentle heart----oneday, I will lose that, right? God? QAQ 

little sister,I might be falling in love this deep now, no no, I am still use a line and thick wall between me and him, but you know, I am still caring you, and dear you so much. I need your understanding as I understand if someday you fall in love. we will always be together, so don't worry. and stop blaming him because he is too kind.