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Showing posts from October, 2016

If only...

I never understand my own feeling towards everything anymore. Since when I've become so numb?
I actually was feeling it with me all this time and it was quite disturbing since I couldn't obtain it at all. The heart I want to get, why is it so far? I keep trying and I didn't stay still but why I feel it's totally unreachable?
I got this complicated feelings to be honest. I want to be with someone but in the other hand I want to be alone. I want someone to take care of me, telling me to stop when I start recklessly overworking, smile for me, fighting for me... but in the other hand, I hate if they become too close with me. I keep telling myself that I am fine with this, I don't need that. Something like that isn't fit me at all but some other times I feel lonely. I want to be loved. I hate to love by my own self. If only, having someone love me unconditionally is easy. If only, I don't need to deal with this kind of reality. Maybe, maybe I would feel better…